Love is Finally Dead in America, but Does Anyone Care?

The Death of Love Has Debased America's Greatness Love is Finally Dead in America, but Does Anyone Care? Is it overly-dramatic to suggest love in America is now DOA—Dead on Arrival? Of course not. In various ways we may measure the death of love in society, from the state of dating, marriage and families; the vitality and content of the education system; the typical interaction between strangers; or the state of orthodoxy preached from American pulpits. While there may be a spirited debate over the exact definition of love—there can be no doubt that the traditional notion is now defunct. Seminal French intellectual Jacques Ellul wrote: I might adopt once again a formula I have used many times without ever being refuted: “In a society which talks excessively about a human factor, the point is that this factor does not exist. People talk excessively about freedom when it is suppressed.” This formula has always proved to be true. I would thus apply it here as well. So many novels and essays and studies and experiments and propositions are made precisely in order to hide the basic absence of love. Love does not exist in our society. It is no more than a word. But why make the dramatic claim love is dead? Because great evidence exists that this statement is true. Further, such a fact must mean that our culture is mortally ill and will die unless we reverse course on this essential issue. In a variety of instances we can see how the very notion of love itself has fled from an increasingly materialistic, over-sexualized and spiritually apostate land. For example, traditional concepts of marriage are replaced by cohabitation, hookup dating, pornography, and endless tales of misbegotten trysts—like the army of young and attractive female teachers seducing students, which hits the papers on a weekly basis. All of this reveals a sad and alarming absence of real love. Again, consider how materialism, technology-mania, and pop-psychology have overwhelmed America’s traditional concern with friends, family and care for strangers. Further, ponder how a lack of understanding of God’s love—whether miss-delivered from the pulpit via various heretical sermons, or in private Christian lives and their pagan practices—has caused a catastrophe for America. I. What is Love? Existentialists, cynics, and contrarians might dispute the very existence of love. Yet, most persons will admit that not only does some form of love exist, but that without it, human existence would not be worth living. How love is defined is another matter. For this we must turn to both secular and religious authorities, being Psychiatrist M. Scott Peck and Saint Paul of Tarsus. I am presuming, however, to give a single definition of love, again with the awareness that it is likely to be in some way or ways inadequate. I define love thus: The will to extend one’s self for the purpose of nurturing one’s own or another’s spiritual growth. love is not an emotion, but an act of the will: Genuine love implies commitment and the exercise of wisdom. When we are concerned for someone’s spiritual growth, we know that a lack of commitment is likely to be harmful and that commitment to that person is probably necessary for us to manifest our concern effectively….I have defined love as the will to extend oneself for the purpose of nurturing one’s own and another’s spiritual growth. Genuine love is volitional rather than emotional. The person who truly loves does so because of a decision to love. This person has made a commitment to be loving whether or not the loving feeling is present. If it is, so much the better; but if it isn’t, the commitment to love, the will to love, still stands and is still exercised. ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- B. Saint Paul—The New Testament Undoubtedly the most quoted passage in history upon love comes from the pen of Saint Paul. Here, again the definition of love is put into terms of action, not feeling. From the 13th chapter of 1st Corinthians 4-8: Love is patient, love is kind and is not jealous; love does not brag and is not arrogant,does not act unbecomingly; it does not seek its own, is not provoked, does not take into account a wrong suffered, does not rejoice in unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- C. Four Types of Biblical Love The most sophisticated analysis of the different types of love is found in the New Testament, as analyzed by one author here: Eros Love—This means physical passion; its gratification and fulfillment. The Greek word is not used in the New Testament, but inferred in many scriptures and is the only kind of love that God restricts to a one-man, one-woman relationship within the bounds of marriage (Heb. 13:4; Song 1:13; 4:5-6; 7:7-9; 8:10; 1 Cor. 7:25; Eph. 5:31). Storge Love - Storge is the natural bond between mother and infant, father, children, and kin. William Barclay states, “We cannot help loving our kith and kin; blood is thicker than water” (N.T. Words, 1974). Phileo Love - Phileo love is a love of the affections. It is delighting to be in the presence of another, a warm feeling that comes and goes with intensity. The Bible encourages it but it is never a direct command. God never commands phileo since this type of love is based on the feelings. Agape Love - Agape love is God’s kind of love. It is seeking the welfare and betterment of another regardless of how we feel. Agape does not have the primary meaning of feelings or affection. Jesus displayed it when he went to the cross and died for you and me regardless of how He felt. In the gospels Jesus prayed, “Father, if it be possible, let this cup pass from me: nevertheless, not as I will, but as thou wilt” (Mt. 26:39; Mk. 14:36; Lk. 22:41-43; Jn. 18:11). ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- II. Love, American Style Where is the evidence that love in America no longer exists? Actually, it is everywhere around. Contra, the real difficulty is in finding evidence of love’s existence, at all. For example, A. Romance—No More Lifelong Love? One of the hallmarks of Western romance was the idea of incorporeal love which lasted a lifetime—“In sickness and in health, till death do us part.” But today this idea has been set aside, with hookup affairs replacing traditional dating, and courtship thrown out the window—dating has been reduced to speedy tryouts launched upon mattresses across the continent. So instead of deep relationships based upon knowledge of the other’s character and habits, commonalities and commitments, we have essentially continued on with trite high school unions, which begin and end upon a whim. Further, the deep dissatisfaction such relationships cause leads to marital instability and higher divorce rates. This in turn creates cycles of families without fathers, and all the associated problems this lack creates. Needless to say this approach reveals a lack of even the most rudimentary knowledge of genuine love. B. Eros, God of America We have created a de facto cult of sex in America. The ministers are the bizarrely ignorant mandarin class of relationship gurus who act as if they were just born, Athena-like, from a wound to the head of Zeus. No claim is too illogical, contra-factual or unsubstantiated for them to offer, as they are, as a group—positively allergic to genuine science. For example, during the Seventies, these “experts” explained how children would rather go through divorce than suffer parental arguments—and they’d be better off, too. What a joke. Common sense and later statistics proved how devastating divorce was upon kids. This cult is driven by naive cynicism of Americans who no longer are taught to think or the elements of logic and debate in public schools. Instead, most Americans are simply ripe for propagandizing by the leftist media, politicians and academics. So this cult continues to grow, suggesting such weird ideas that, while Americans love their children, it’s OK to abandon them in divorces, or simply flush them down the sewer after a routine, government funded abortion. This last is the bloody sacrifice offered to the cult of sex. An example our nonsensical approach to sex that many Americans now accept as inevitable is the astounding number of female teachers who seduce their students and are then caught and lightly punished. These women tend to be attractive, married and predatory. If anything reveals the disaster of separating love from marriage, and treating sex as a hobby, certainly this is it. Further, the sad number of young women lured into the sex trade, be it for stripping, porn acting or prostitution reveals how destroyed the American family has been by the Sexual Revolution. These women tend to be, statistically,—highly likely to have been sexually molested in youth. Further, they remain untreated for this abuse. Children in broken families are at a stratospherically higher risk for being exploited by step-dads and boyfriends than kids in intact families. So mentally disadvantaged and vulnerable women across America are being lured into ruining their lives in the sex trade, which are then further destroyed by drink, drugs and disease—without hope for treating the underlying cause. And Americans celebrate this debauchery of the abuse survivors by plugging into their daily dose of pornography. But where is the love to be found in this sordid mess? And this is the best we can do to care for our kids and create loving homes to nurture them? C. Family The state of the American family has never been shakier. At one time, most folks believed it was a sacred duty to care and provide for their progeny which were produced with a single mate. Instead today, everywhere parents are coming together and breaking apart as if mandated by forces beyond resistance, while the children of these unions suffer for years without committed biological parents. But if these parents really loved their children wouldn’t they simply put away the games and enter into permanent unions with the other parent of their children? D. Politics Isn’t it childish and irresponsible to blame the lack of material goods or even one’s own happiness upon government or the opposition political party? Instead, wouldn’t a loving approach to politics insist that people do better when they are responsible for their own lives? Anything else would be less than loving, correct? Instead, our addiction to pragmatism—meaning any road from A-Z is acceptable—buries any question of whether lies, deceit, immorality or unethical behavior occurred to bring the results. E. Manners How do people treat each other these days? A number of articles have been written concerning how many Americans have dropped traditional manners. For example, many no longer say—“please,” or “thank you,” during everyday transactions. Further, there is a growing sense that many Americans no longer feel much gratitude at all, but instead are aggrieved over what they believe they are owed. But do loving people adopt these attitudes? F. Welfare Is it true that we Americans are owed a handout. Setting aside all those who genuinely need some form of aid to make it, like the widowed, handicapped and orphaned, how many seemingly healthy Americans would prefer state aid over gainful employment? Is it a hallmark of a loving attitude to want others to support you if you are healthy enough to work? Conclusion Whether one accepts a biblical, therapeutic, or even a philosophical standard for love—like Comte’s altruism—we badly need to reflect upon the lack of committment to others in our society. If love is gone in America, only Believers can help bring it back. We must first blame the church for failing in its mission to bring light into darkness, and import salt as a preservative in troubling times. Then we must swear a sacred oath to bring back this foundational element, as we repent and instruct our broken land. Don’t forget it was Christ who stated in Luke 11: 33-36: “No one lights a lamp and puts it in a place where it will be hidden, or under a bowl. Instead they put it on its stand, so that those who come in may see the light. Your eye is the lamp of your body. When your eyes are healthy, your whole body also is full of light. But when they are unhealthy, your body also is full of darkness. See to it, then, that the light within you is not darkness. Therefore, if your whole body is full of light, and no part of it dark, it will be just as full of light as when a lamp shines its light on you.”