A Solution to the Gun-Control Stand-Off

A Solution to the Gun-Control Stand-Off

A prominent problem with the gun control debate is that many of the proponents of gun control (political euphemism for gun prohibition) do not own a gun. They have never felt the need to arm themselves, and therefore see no reason for you to be armed. It’s almost the same mindset of non-smokers who want to ban smoking anywhere, at any time, at any age. They don’t smoke, so why should you? Giving up smoking (and giving up your dangerous and unnecessary firearm) is, after all, for your own good.

There is another faction in the gun control camp — and this is a members-only group that politicians and celebrities find themselves gravitating toward. Not only are they narcissistic enough to believe that their opinion counts for more than the misguided opinions of you little people out there, but they also see no irony in the fact that a majority of their own team live behind tall fences and armed guards. I believe there is a special place in an unpleasant afterlife reserved for this bunch.

It’s time both factions of the anti-gun lobby put some real skin into the game.

They want you to limit (political euphemism for eliminate) your Second Amendment rights, when they themselves have been asked to give up nothing. It’s time we offered them a little of their own medicine. A compromise that legitimate politicians and political activist on both sides of the isle can get behind.

For the rank and file “I-don’t-own-a-gun, therefore-you-shouldn’t-either” group, I’ll freely give up my Second Amendment rights if you will give up your First Amendment rights. In spite of your horrified first reaction, this is an ultimately fair trade. I can assure you that my constitutional right to bear arms is just as precious to me as your right to free speech and association is to you. You want to live in the theoretical safety of a gun-free zone, fine… I’ll make that happen. I will swear in writing (in blood if you want) to turn in my evil guns for destruction, just as soon as you give up your right to free speech and free association. I almost said I would swear on the Bible — but remembered that that would have no meaning to the progressives out there.

We’ll offer this same amendment-stripping deal to the narcissists who live in the pastel reality of their political and celebrity enclaves, with one added stipulation. Not only should you give up your First Amendment rights in exchange for my Second Amendment rights, you should also give up your ability to live in gated communities, behind tall walls, protected by armed men who carry a gun in exchange for money.

I have a special request for you middle aged toddlers who have been throwing a tantrum in the stately (and once dignified) halls of Congress. Get up off of the carpet, put down your CSPAN microphone and your George Soros day planners, and get to work on this legitimate compromise. We’re waiting to see how important this gun control (which by the way means the same thing without the word gun) idea is to you. Let’s get serious about this long winded and divisive debate. I’m ready to negotiate — are you? If we can’t make a deal, then maybe it’s time for you to shut up and find something else (besides my old dented gun cabinet) to drool over.